Having Sex vs Making Love

When you are having sex, you are focused on your own needs and the experience is short lived.  After you may feel like something is missing, but you need more to be satisfied (it is an addiction).

When you are making love, you are focused on the other persons needs, and they on  yours.  The experience lasts so much longer, and the feeling lasts forever.  You and your partner are satisfied, so there is no need to do it again soon.  Just a smile from your lover brings back the whole experience, and then it happens again!  🙂

Help

I have a couple of things I could use some help with.

1.  Are these good topics, or do you have any other suggestions for topics?  If you want to know what a man is thinking, or if you are a man and want to know why you think or do something, maybe I can help.  I don’t know everything, but I have this ability to look into my own mind and figure out why it does things.

2. I am new to social media, and I have setup a Facebook, Google+ and Twitter account, but don’t know how to do anything but paste a link into them.  Does anyone have some tips & tricks they would like to share?

You can email me at logicman26 @ gmail.com.

Thanks!  🙂

More Shades…

As I talked about in my last post, “50 Shades of Gray” is about a man wanting a dominant, master / slave relationship with his girlfriend. This brings up the question about slavery and submission, is it right or is it wrong?

If you want to talk about the Christian perspective, the obvious Biblical phrase that comes to mind is “Wives submit to your husbands”, so this makes it okay, right? But are you forgetting the second half, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”? Christ loved us and died for us (the church). So if a man loves his wife enough to die for her, then maybe she might be willing to submit to him.

In The Bible slaves are often have very high positions and regard. Joseph (The Coat Of Many Colours) was a slave of the King of Egypt, and held the second most powerful position in the country. I think his only restriction was that he wasn’t allowed to leave. King Cyrus of Persia allowed his slave to build the second temple. Daniel (in the lions den) was also a slave that the king held in very high regard.

Sure, Joseph’s descendants were treated much worse, but when it comes down to it, is a slave that much different than today’s employee? Okay, we have the right to quit our jobs, and they are legally not allowed to use whips and chains on us, but many employees feel like slaves, don’t they? No, I am not trying to justify either being a slave or being an employee, but I do have to say that it is nice once in a while to be able to give up control to someone else and say “It’s not my job”.

Due to my porn addiction, I developed an interest in the master / slave relationship, however I do not believe in asking anyone else to do what I am not willing to myself. So to introduce the topic to my wife, I offered to be her sex slave for her birthday. I would do anything she asked, no restrictions. I showed her all the toys I purchased for us, including a honeymoon basic bondage kit. The kit contains arm and leg restraints, blind fold, and feather. The restraints are cloth with padded cuffs and Velcro, and I tucked the ends between the mattresses, so it is easy to get out if needed. Also I explained safe words because “no” or “stop” is too easy to say, quite often when you are being tickled they just pops out. So you pick a different word like “orange” that actually means stop. So between the safe word and being able to pull the restraints out, it is very safe.

Her birthday passed, and nothing happened. I don’t think she knew what to do with all of it. So one day while she was out I put the blindfold, arm and leg restraints on, and waited naked on top of the bed for her to come home. When she finally came home (about an hour later), I woke up, saw her, she saw me, and she groaned and walked out. I took the restraints off (it’s not easy undoing the Velcro one handed), and then went out to talk to her. She didn’t say much that day, but a week or two later she asked why I did it, I told her it was so she could be in control, and she asked if I would do it again.

The next time she was a bit more prepared. She had me call her mistress. She used the feather all over my body to find my ticklish spots, and then did the same with an ice cube. I was so arroused that my instincts would normally takeover and I would make things happen a little faster, but being tied down I just had to relax and enjoy. As for the rest… Well, you can guess… 😉

Afterwards she admitted that she didn’t really get into the mistress thing, but she did enjoy having my body to play with. So the next week we switched rolls where I was the master and she was the slave. While it was similar to start (with the feather and the ice cube) it also involved some toys for stimulating her down there. As she did with me, I took it real slow and made her wait. She had the most intense, extended multiple orgasms, ever! 🙂

This was a good test to show that we totally trusted each other. We both enjoy being tied down and submitting just as much as we like being the one who is leading and in full control. However, we both agreed that we didn’t get much from being called the “Master” or “Mistress”, we both felt it best to be ourselves. Well… She actually enjoys being submissive a little bit more and I enjoy leading a little bit more. So that’s the way we usually do it, at least until her next birthday? 😉

50 Shades…

The movie “50 Shades of Grey” has been released, and while I haven’t seen it or read the books myself, I read someone’s summary of the books. If you haven’t read it, and have been wondering what all the fuss is about, I will try and summarize the summary I read somewhere (I think Wikipedia). If you have read the book, or seen the movie, please feel free to correct me if I stray too far.

Mr. Grey is a very rich and successful entrepreneur. A young lady writer comes to interview him, and they are both attracted to each other. So far so good, right? The problem is, he was brought up in a very sex orientated environment, and she want’s love. Sound typical? Well, it is actually more extreme than you might think.

His previous relationships were all of a dominant / submissive nature, and therefore he wants to continue this way. In typical business fashion, he first gets her to sign a non-disclosure agreement for anything and everything they do together. Then he tries to get her to sign a contract of dominance and submission that also states that there will be no romance only whips, chains, and sex. While she is interested in him, she does not want to sign the contract. Both of them are wanting a relationship so they start slowly.

After several meetings, gifts, etc., she agrees to try being a submissive. She allows him to spank her, and she is both excited and confused. Confused because of his insistence on it not being a romantic relationship, and yet he brings her to meet his family. She eventually asks him to show him how extreme a Master / Slave relationship could be, and so he does by beating her with a belt. She realizes that they are incompatible and leaves.

I am not sure if it is in this book or the next, but of course they get back together.

I can relate to this story in many ways. As I mentioned before, when I was young I started slowly getting addicted to porn. By the end, the only stories that satisfied me were the ones with some domination, men spanking women, or women dominating other women slaves (I assume that there were no men dominating women because of political correctness). So, while what I wanted was really a loving relationship, I only knew about sex from the examples I saw in the porn and therefore somewhat expected that. I assume it is similar to girls reading romance novels expecting guys to be perfect Prince Charmings?

As Logic Man I didn’t show my emotions very much and kept my anger inside. Most people have never seen me angry, or sometimes I would put on a fake angry voice, because I knew it was the only thing that the other person would listen to. Funny thing is that as I was pretending to be angry, I did actually feel angry for those few seconds, weird.

As I mentioned before, my wife and I went through a very rough time in our marriage. In some ways our story is not that much different than 50 shades, but not as extreme. When she was in a bipolar state, she would harass me with arguments that didn’t make any sense. I would try and discuss things with her, but there was no stopping her. She later admitted that she was just trying to make me angry to know what I was feeling inside. It took a long time, but eventually she knew which buttons to push to get me angry enough to start a loud argument. Then I typically left, going for a walk or a drive, just to get away, but I had no where to go. I would drive to the church or an empty parking lot, or walk to the park and sit under a tree crying, talking to (or arguing) with God.

As the arguments got more frequent and louder, I often wanted to spank her for making me feel this way, but I am not the violent type. I did however put a few holes in the walls, or doors, when she just wouldn’t quit harassing me. After I punched the wall and she got scared, or I came home after she thought she lost me, we would often cry together, and then discuss our problems quietly and rationally. We would solve the problem, and we never had to have the same argument twice.

This went on for around 10 years and we both decided we had enough and were going to call it quits. After a couple months of living separately in the same house, something happened, and my wife started acting nice. At first I wasn’t buying it, but she kept it up and eventually I gave in and started acting nice as well.

She started encouraging me to try some of the things that I was thinking / dreaming about. First she encouraged me to spank her! I didn’t believe her at first, but as she continued I gave her a few love taps once before we made love. She asked me if spanking her made me feel like a man, and all I could say was that I did feel a little more confident. I was actually surprised at how much more confident I was. A couple of days later when I was a teaching class, one of my students started to act up and disrupt the other students. Normally I would just ignore it or make a joke or something, but this time and without any hesitation, I told him that if he disrupted class again that I would sit him at the front of the class (which he hates), or he would have to leave. Much to my surprise he did behave.

My wife continued to encourage me to experiment, so the next time I spanked a little harder, and the next time I spanked until my hand was sore. I guess three times lucky, because I don’t feel the need to spank her anymore, I got that whole thing out of my system, and I love her so much more for letting me get that out of my system, and letting me find out more about myself.

If I could give one piece of advice to anyone, if you are in a relationship or not, is to find out who you are by trying out new things. If you are in a relationship I encourage you to let your partner try new things and to do your best to encourage and enjoy it. Maybe it turns out to be something your both enjoy, or something you both can do without. But there is nothing that builds trust and love more than when one partner allows another partner to do something that they need to do to get out of their system, just because they love them.

Music

I am embarrassed to say that when my wife and I first started having sex it didn’t take much for me to cum. Many times I had planned this really romantic long massage, head to toe kisses, etc. Unfortunately, I would get maybe 10% and oops, we have to jump to the big event (if I didn’t make a mess on the sheets before then).

In the last year or so, I thought I would try some music to say things that I had trouble saying myself, also to add some more romance and variety into our love making.  It seem to help in many ways. Yes, it added romance. Yes it added variety, but it also had the unexpected side effect of keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t cum until I was ready, in fact I had great staying power.

One catch, it had to be music that I was familiar with, so my mind would sing along. I tried once to pick music that I thought my wife would like, but I didn’t know as well and it didn’t work, I didn’t last.

As time went on, I thought I was getting over this problem, that maybe it was just the excitement of being new to sex that brought it on. However, recently my wife and I have been having a couple of spontaneous encounters in the night, and of course there was no thought to put the music on, so they turned out to be unexpected quickies (which were still nice, but not nearly as romantic).

I have really been having fun putting together playlists for our time together. I would often start off with some soft romantic music (for cuddling), then build up to some sexy song (for the main event), and then to something fun and / or relaxing for the afterglow. So, I might have something like this:
1. Joe Cocker – “You Are So Beautiful”
2. Air Supply – “Making Love Out of Nothing At All”
3. Bad Company – “Feel Like Making Love”
4. Fleetwood Mac – “You Make Loving Fun”
5. Romantics – “What I Like About You”
6. Sheriff – “When I’m With You”

Then I have started making theme lists and have my wife guess the theme. Like my “Do” list, with songs like:
– Serena Ryder – “What I Wouldn’t Do”
– Meat Loaf – “I’d Do Anything For Love”
– Percy Sledge – “When A Man Loves A Woman” (“Do” is in the lyrics)

And of course there is my “Love” list, which has over 100 songs that I usually put in Shuffle mode.

It doesn’t matter if you or your partner have premature ejaculation or not, I would recommend music to any couple to both spruce up your sex life, but also make it more relaxing at the same time. 😉