I’m Sorry

I am not a traditional Christian, I prefer to be called a follower of Jesus. I believe we are meant to love, not to judge.

Chris Martin Writes

I normally only publish on Mondays, but this is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. I took a month off of Facebook and other social media apps. It was pretty awesome. Nothing legalistic or depriving myself of things as a religious fast. I just wanted a break. On a daily basis, we are bombarded with ads, opinions, and millions of people trying to prove their point/beliefs/convictions to the world. I see hurt, anger, and frustration on a daily basis. This is my apology to those who have been hurt, abused, or cast aside in the name of Christianity.

If our job was to beat people down in judgement, Jesus would have applauded the plank in our hands instead of pointing out the one in our eye.

Dear You,

I wanted to take a minute to just simply say, I’m sorry. 

I’ve been there. I’ve been the one…

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Battling a Mental Illness in a D/s relationship

In any relationship. 🙂

Tall, Dark and Dominant

I suffer depression and anxiety – there, I said it.
I’m not going to jump on a soap box and dance about it, I’m telling you this because what I want to talk about is mental illness in a BDSM world and more importantly, in a D/s relationship.

Why? Because I was that confused person. Because I still struggle with the irrational thoughts that come with the anxiety. I thought maybe if I talk a bit about my experience, maybe it might encourage someone and if I can reach someone, anyone, then that’s good. So I apologise if I sound preachy, I’m just trying to help..

I don’t have any answers, I’m afraid. Your journey is your own and it’s going to be tough but I’m telling you to stick through it because once you’re clear of the storm, it’s a beautiful and bright little world.

I know it’s hard…

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Eat Healthy And Die Of Malnutrition – The Lesser Of The Evils

Don’t eat salt. Don’t eat fat. Don’t eat sugar. If you are lactose intolerant, don’t eat or drink dairy products. If you are celiac, don’t eat bread products.

We have all heard these but if you follow these too strictly your brain is not going to get the fat and salt it needs to function properly. So basically the synapses can’t fire because they don’t have salt to conduct electricity. The brain would kinda go flat without the fat to float in, and you could get mood disorders. I think both wheat and dairy have nutrients to make the thyroid gland work, etc. So if you don’t get the nutrients, then your body craves the foods it knows contains them.

What do you do? You have to eat, but a lot of foods are unavailable to you. If you stay away from all the foods that you shouldn’t eat your body starts to lack nutrients and your physical and mental health deteriorate. Your body craves the nutrients it needs, even when you know that it is wrong. So you have to decide the lesser of three evils, do you eat the bad food and live with the pain and other health problems it causes, do you suffer from malnutrition, or do you take chemical supplements that cause other health problems?

What does that have to do with sex & love you ask? Our mature bodies are made to need sex, almost as much as food. Our bodies need love and sex to release endorphin’s and without them our bodies suffer both physical and mental health problems. Likewise, especially in men, the sexual starvation make all of us crave the things that we know can give us that “sex food”. Why don’t some women have those cravings? My theory, like someone who never had dairy products, they never experienced big enough orgasms with a man and don’t know what they are missing.

When I was young, after sex education class, I started being more friendly with the girls. I don’t think that this was deliberate on my part, it just happened. Then I got hooked on porn, and by the time I was in university I think I had more female friends than male. I didn’t have any naughty thoughts about them, but my mind would keep on asking me “Is she the one? Does she like you?”. I still needed to satisfy my sexual needs with porn, but it felt empty, like gluten free bread or soy ice cream.

Then I met my wife. We were friends for a long time before we got involved. I just felt a connection to her that I didn’t have with anyone else. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but as time went on we just knew we were meant for each other.

I don’t remember when we started having sex, I think it was around the time we got engaged. I was inexperienced but had done lots of research, so it was good. It wasn’t long before we got married. Then we started fighting verbally, and there wasn’t much sex. At first I turned back to porn to satisfy my needs, but resentment built because wasn’t sex part of marriage? I knew this was wrong to think this way, and it was the sex starvation messing with my mind, but I couldn’t control it.

Over the years I did feel more love from her and couldn’t watch the porn anymore, it was like I was cheating. I tried not to satisfy my own needs, but then the wet dreams started, or maybe I should call them nightmares. I know I got a kinky mind from watching too much porn, but the wet dreams were far more kinkier than I could even think of during the day. So then I thought the lesser of the evils was to satisfy my needs by remembering the times we made love and the feelings we had (it’s not cheating on her when I am thinking about her is it?).

When things got better she made me promise not to take care of my own needs, she would take care of them, I just had to ask. Well we still had arguments, she sometimes was sick, the wet nightmares returned, and finally she gave me permission to satisfy my needs when she wasn’t available.  I did satisfy my needs, but every time I felt a wedge being hammered between my wife and I.  That little voice inside kept telling me that I didn’t need her, I could take care of my own needs.  I tried to ignore that voice but it kept getting louder, until my wife and I would spend some intimate time together and then it went away.

Things have been good lately, but I was just wondering what other people thought. What is the lesser of the evils? When I can’t stop my body from needing sex, and my wife (for one reason or another) is not available, what would you do?

“…only 44 percent of women claim to have had an orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter.”

I wrote a post that I think is really important, but it didn’t get a lot of hits.  Then I read this post, and thought I should try again.  This title came from an adult site that has very explicit images.  I am going to summarize what I said in the other article in as few words as I can.

Over half the women out there are faking orgasm because they are not getting their clits stimulated.  To stimulate her clit you have at least 3 options:

1. Oral.  Get your tongue and lips to work down there.
2. Fingers.  Insert a finger and rub small circles around her clit.  Then stick a finger into her hole and rub the roof (this is her G-Spot).
3. Toys.  The simplest toy is a vibrating ring, it stimulates her clit while you are having sex the normal way.  See my other post for more details.


Butterfly, My Butterfly

Being Lydia!

I have always marveled at the process from which the lowly little caterpillar turns into the beautiful butterfly.

I won’t go into the graphic details, but it isn’t easy. The caterpillar spends most of its time eating leaves and molting until it just can’t eat any more.  Then it hangs upside down and builds a cocoon, or chrysalis, around itself.  While in the cocoon it transforms into wings, legs, antennae and body until it is ready to be set free.  Even that process is not an easy one as it has to push its way out of the silky yet strong cocoon.  But all of this effort is worth it as one of the most beautiful creatures on this earth emerges to fly to freedom.

My counselor recently told me that my affinity for butterflies was very fitting as I started out with very low self-esteem and fought my way through…

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Being Mindful and Kind to Others, While Being Assertive – by Annie Mimi Hall

I am way too passive. :-O

Kindness Blog

assertiveness  wallpaper

Is it unkind to be assertive?

There is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive.   We all have needs to be met. There is a time and a place to be assertive in communicating our thoughts, feelings and needs to another person.

As long as we do not violate the rights of another person, then we are not being unkind to them.

What is the difference between being assertive and being aggressive?

The act of being aggressive barrels over the top of the rights of other people.   Being aggressive is when someone demands that their desires are met, no matter what the consequences may be to other people.

Aggressive interaction does not concern itself with the feelings, thoughts, ideas or desires of the other person. If you are listening to and considering the other person, then you are not being aggressive.

You can let someone know how you feel…

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