I am also starting to wonder if there are other factors in this need to cause pain either to others or to myself. Like in the movie “Secretary” I reviewed a few days back, maybe it is because I am suppressing too much emotional pain that I have to let it out physically some how. Maybe it is from being in so much debt and the leaky condo expenses going up. Or maybe it is the people at work driving me crazy with the same conversations every time I see them. I want a better paying job and more intelligent conversation, but I am afraid it will come with more stress, so is there any benefit?
And then again, is this a spiritual attack or test? They say that the body is weak, so is Satan trying to tempt me into thinking that I enjoy giving pain by sexually arousing me when I think of it? Is this a test that if I ignore it, it will go away? Or do I have to try it? My wife and I tried some light bondage and submission, last year and we found after a month or so that it did boost our confidence and built love and trust between us. But that was enough for us, it resolved our curiosity and we are stronger for it. I haven’t had the need to go back there until now.
Maybe it is the heat? I see ladies walking on the street in skimpy outfits, and I think “She is selling it”, “She really wants it”, “She is a tease, and someone should teach her a lesson”. Of course I know that this is just temptation talking, and most ladies wear clothing that they find comfortable and cool. It looks like they are trying to show off their cleavage, but they’re actually venting the extra heat that builds up there. But the heat plays games with a man’s mind, especially when he is a lonely sex deprived bachelor.
When I know why things bother me, they don’t bother me any more because I can say that it is just the sugar or it is just the heat, and the feelings go away. But then again, maybe I just needed to talk / write about it, because I don’t have those temptations anymore.
Thanks for listening. 🙂